A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[MarkieSparkie]

[TD="class: Label, colspan: 3"]There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents. The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room.

When he got there, he saw mummy bouncing up and down on daddy. When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away.

The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy's room. He was in his bed, and he asked, "Mummy, what were you doing to daddy?"

The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it."

"Oh, that's what you were doing. But you're wasting your time mummy." The boy said.

"Oh, and why is that?" The mum asked.

"Because everyday when you leave for work, the lady next door comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again."

[/TD]

 

[Richard Burns]

Okay, all of you who believe in psychokinesis... raise my hand.

 

[Geordie Spark]

Did ye hear the one aboot the sparkies who thowt they wez chattin'-up a bord on a forum, but it torned oot it wez a gay gadgee??


Oh ..... hang on ... :vanish:

 

[tidyboiler]

Did ye hear the one aboot the sparkies who thowt they wez chattin'-up a bord on a forum, but it torned oot it wez a gay gadgee??


Oh ..... hang on ... :vanish:

I hear he makes all his own blouses...........:ciappa:
:heart::bow::ihih::gorgeous::001_icon16::lips::wub:

 

[Richard Burns]

A recession is when your neighbour can’t get a job
A depression is when you can’t get a job
A recovery is when David Cameron loses his job

 

[RobRuss]

it does seem quiet today?

 

[Paul.M]

it does seem quiet today?

Yeah a lot of members have been painting a fence today and waiting to see what colour it turns out when dried.

 

[RobRuss]

i dont understand? only just joined here. Paul.

 

[Paul.M]

i dont understand? only just joined here. Paul.

It was a little unfair of me to say that, sorry.

A bit of politics going on at the moment, no need to be concerned. Enjoy the forum.

 

[RobRuss]

ok, thanks Paul. reading through its been lively the past week or so..

 

[Paul.M]

Pyro plastic explosives 2 weeks before bonfire night? Just waiting for the final bang .


Back to topic... erm.... ok:-

Whats 2" long and sits next to a hospital bed?

Jimmy Savilles cigar but.

 

[Paul.M]

I stole this joke but I find it funny......


More cases of child abuse have been discovered at the BBC.

Apparently Morph has been accused of being a Playdophile...

 

[telectrix]

that was my joke from last week. might have to start my own joke thread. LOL.

 

[Paul.M]

that was my joke from last week. might have to start my own joke thread. LOL.

Sorry Tel but that one tickled me. All likes and thanks to Tel.

 

[AV-Nik]

The wife used to Head-Butt me every time she had an orgasm.
I didn't mind till I found out she was Faking them!

 

[steve50]

The Tax Man
At the end of the tax year, the Inland Revenue office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books he turned to the Accountant of the Hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" "Good question," noted the Accountant. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" "Ah, yes," replied the Hospital Accountant, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Accountant. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Accountant. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the Inland Revenue Office, and about once a year they send us a complete -----!"

 

[telectrix]

love it. pure class.

 

[dpiers1980]

working in the UK as an electrician

 

[MarkieSparkie]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel reception and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Madam, if your heart is as
soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

 

[MarkieSparkie]

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'