Well getting hold of the Sparks who did the work is probably impossible, he's long flown the nest.

I also get the impression this guy wants me to do this for naff all, I'm seriously considering just walking.

There was a quote in a previous post about "free time", do any of us actually have any free time?
 
"Mates rates" usually mean a bottle of wine or a pint. What you have described is just too involved. As you were not involved from the start you can easily tell them that you are a professional, and although you will sort the issues for them, your professional rates apply. Explain that the very fact you are going anywhere near it is being done as a favour, regardless of fees.
 

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