STIG electrical quotes

[Kamikaze]

“Some say” he believes the coffee bean is a vegetable, part of his 5 a day, and sleep is for the weak. All we know is, he’s not the first electrician to have woken up in a puddle of his own coffee while listening to Mike & The Mechanics.

 

[Kamikaze]

“Some say” he was rejected by the new Jedi order because his lightsaber sometimes suffers from stage fright. All we know is, his helmet must be a lighthouse because Mrs Stig keeps getting calls from women to find out if the coast is clear.

 

[Kamikaze]

“Some say” he wishes there was someone he could talk to about his mis-sold PPI, and that he spent all week making off pyro ends for his uncle Tony Cable. All we know is, he has found his first grey pubic hair, got really excited but not as much as the other people in the NICEIC headquarters lift.

 

[Kamikaze]

“Some say” he only became an electrician because he always dreamed of working with Kate Russell and he only got the sack from his Voltswagon R&D job when he misunderstood the walkie talkie instruction to “roger that”. All we know is, he’s let it slip, that the machines have already taken over and Stephen Hawing is actually being controlled by his wheelchair.

 

[R G]

Some say , he's done his 5 week course in driving , all we know is he's doing his 5 week course and will soon be a sparks..

 

[Kamikaze]

“Some say” his first name really is “The”, and that if he went on Electricians Love Island we’d all be pregnant, including the electrical trainee‘s. All we know is the Italians call him “Papa Elettricista Grande”

 

[Kamikaze]

“Some say” if he could actually be bothered he could crack a door entry system in 45 seconds and uses the five point palm exploding heart technique to knock out the holes for his dry lining boxes. All we know is, had he killed Bill he would have used his Hattori Hanzō terminal screwdriver.

 

[Kamikaze]

“Some say” he was pulling cables through the ceiling void at the Institute of Electrical Confusion while listening to “Let's get it up” on his walkman, when he started daydreaming about Emma Clancy and duly fell out of the ceiling. All we know is, the niceic bible states the bleeding obvious. Thou shalt not stick anything larger than thine elbow in her ear!

 

[Kamikaze]

I’m afraid the beatings must continue until morale improves.

“Some say” in the shower he wears a shower cap on his helmet and it was him that trained Superman in the art of keeping a secret identity. All we know is, when he took all the regulations out of BS 7671 and inserted his own regulations, Einstein had to edit his theory of relativity…twice.

 

[Wilko]

Others may say they get thrown across the room by electric shocks, but if you see someone throwing the room around - he's called the Stig.