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I was in the supermarket in the butchers section today, and this woman asks me, "What's the cheapest kind of meat?" to which I reply with a straight face, "Deer balls because they're under a buck."
 
I was in the butchers on Saturday and he had sirloin way up and needed a step ladder to reach them. I said I'd like a couple. He went up ladder and came back down empty handed. He said I reached for them and the ladder moved, the steaks are just too high!
 
old lady has 2 cats, a tom and a she. they are both old and both die on the same day ( the cats).not being fond of parting with them, she takes the cats to the local taxidermist. he asks if she's like them mounted.

" no, just stand them side by side"
 
Two lepers playing cards , one threw his hand in , the other laughed his head off..

What goes along the sea bed at 90 MPH , a motorpike and sidecarp,,,
 
2 prostitutes were working the leper colony, but left because trade was dropping off.
 
Two lepers playing cards , one threw his hand in , the other laughed his head off..

What goes along the sea bed at 90 MPH , a motorpike and sidecarp,,,

As a keen fresh water angler I have to tell you Pike and Carp don't live in the sea, honest only funning you lol
 
Just a couple of things I spotted on FB and would like to share. The first is just great:

"Here's all you need to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."


Has anyone seen the post of a bloke who humped a Greggs pasty and got his bits burnt?
 
There was a young lady from hitchin,
she was scratching her thing in the kitching
her mother said Rose crabs I suppose
Ah b$$$$$cks get on with your knitting
 
This one should get you all laughing Niceic have joined up with Rated people ,so should be re named Village people
 
ain't it amazing what a suitcase full of readies can achieve.
 

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the

front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by

90%..

It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.
 

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