A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[Silly Sausage]

I spent Sunday morning at the wife's grave.





She still thinks I'm digging a pond.

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I saw my dwarf neighbour waiting at the bus stop so I stopped and said "Jump in, I'll give you a lift home."

He flew in to a rage "I don't need your help, I'm not a charity case!"

So I said "Suit yourself." zipped up my rucksack and carried on walking.

 

[dan86]

"Meet curvy local woman...click here"

Or just go down to your local Greggs at lunchtime.

 

[dan86]

"Are we going into this pole dancing club?" asked my Welsh mate.

"That's a kebab shop," I replied.

 

[tidyboiler]

I spent Sunday morning at the wife's grave.





She still thinks I'm digging a pond.

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QUOTE]



:rofl: :rofl:

 

[Silly Sausage]

2 monkeys in a bath, first one says 'Ooo Eee Aaa Hhh Ooo'

2nd one says 'well put some cold in then!'

 

[trev]

2 nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap"
The other one replies "Yeah you're right"


First heard that when I was about 12, a girlfriend had to explain it to me when I was about 18.

 

[Silly Sausage]

2 nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap"
The other one replies "Yeah you're right"


First heard that when I was about 12, a girlfriend had to explain it to me when I was about 18.

And it's still being discussed on the internet 50 years later!

 

[trev]

How man, am aany fiddy ye knaa

 

[Silly Sausage]

Aye lad, As nose, thaar be under thisen!

 

[trev]

Hoo ma under misen?

 

[Silly Sausage]

Got booted off the computer there for a while.
I think you're 3 years younger than me, you wee whipper snapper.

 

[specs]

After a woman gave birth to her baby, her doctor stood solemnly at her
bedside, and said:

"I have something I must tell you about your baby."

"What's wrong?", the alarmed mother asked.

"Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

"What's that?..."

"It means your baby has both male and female parts."

"Oh my Goodness, that's wonderful!", the woman exclaimed...

"You mean it has a penis and a brain?"

 

[specs]

Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex."

Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex."

Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

 

[Kate]

2 nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap"
The other one replies "Yeah you're right"


First heard that when I was about 12, a girlfriend had to explain it to me when I was about 18.

I don't get it

 

[trev]

Where's gets substituted for wears (as in erodes)

 

[Marvo]

Glad I wasn't the only one but now I get it. Where's....wears yeah, it's still not very funny but I get it

 

[telectrix]

i get it as well. nuns scrubbing their facial hair with the soap. that will wear it.

 

[Silly Sausage]

What do you call someone with no body and a nose?
Nobody knows.

 

[Geordie Spark]

2 nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap"
The other one replies "Yeah you're right"


First heard that when I was about 12, a girlfriend had to explain it to me when I was about 18.

Aye well, you being a good clean-living, innocent Chapel-going Geordie lad ........................ :38:

 

[trev]

Well, not chapel going mate. I saw through the whole religion thing when I was about ten