CK Tools Giveaway - Tell us what your most essential tool is to enter

[Euan Thomson]

A builder, a joiner and a sparky are all arguing about who was the first trade on the planet. Joiner says “Noah built an ark and he was a joiner”. Builder disagrees and says “we built the pyramids long before that.” Sparky is shaking his head “your both wrong, when god said let there be light, we had to run the cables.”

 

[Rpa07]

A builder, a joiner and a sparky are all arguing about who was the first trade on the planet. Joiner says “Noah built an ark and he was a joiner”. Builder disagrees and says “we built the pyramids long before that.” Sparky is shaking his head “your both wrong, when god said let there be light, we had to run the cables.”

I must point out that the great flood and the ark was thousands of years before the pyramids were built - I hope that this doesn’t detract from the joke still being funny!
“We had to run the cables” WINNER!

 

[buzzlightyear]

Paddy went to heaven and paddy knocked on the door the hatch opened ,st peter said to you cant come in hear because you are a Ira man , paddy said i dont wont to come in there ,ok said st peter .any way paddy shouted but you have got 3 mins to get out .

 

[buzzlightyear]

Paddy went to heaven and paddy knocked on the door the hatch opened ,st peter said to you cant come in hear because you are a Ira man , paddy said i dont wont to come in there ,ok said st peter .any way paddy shouted but you have got 3 mins to get out .

 

[Charlie_]

Controversial

 

[ruston]

Controversial

Provisionally.

 

[telectrix]

electrician dies and gets to them pearly gates. st.peter looks at his life and tells him he can't come in, he's had 3 extra-marital affairs, and head-butted a non-payer.
so sparky goes down to hell.
within 3 months, he's rewired the place, got the hell fires boiler working efficiently, and satan wants to promote him.
then, satan gets a call from God.
god says, peter made a mistake, sparky is welcome up here in heaven. send him up.
satan replies, oh, no, you van't have him, he's too needed down here.
god then threatens to get a layer on the case.
satan rolls about laffing...... how will you get a layer up there.they all here.

 

[buzzlightyear]

electrician dies and gets to them pearly gates. st.peter looks at his life and tells him he can't come in, he's had 3 extra-marital affairs, and head-butted a non-payer.
so sparky goes down to hell.
within 3 months, he's rewired the place, got the hell fires boiler working efficiently, and satan wants to promote him.
then, satan gets a call from God.
god says, peter made a mistake, sparky is welcome up here in heaven. send him up.
satan replies, oh, no, you van't have him, he's too needed down here.
god then threatens to get a layer on the case.
satan rolls about laffing...... how will you get a layer up there.they all here.

dont give up the day job just yet Tele.

 

[telectrix]

meant to type lawyer, but think some keys have stuck with regurgitated beer.

 

[rapparee]

Provisionally.

A lot of bomb makers were electricians by trade.

 

[telectrix]

A lot of bomb makers were electricians by trade.

yeah well.you'd not have much luck trying to detonate a bomb with a gas detonator.even harder with a water type ( as with a plumber)

 

[steamboatwilly]

Brexit

 

[Charlie_]

Brexit

What happens when a fat Yorkshire lass sits on a chair.

Or

What happens when Theresa May tries to negotiate

 

[Squid]

electrician dies and gets to them pearly gates. st.peter looks at his life and tells him he can't come in, he's had 3 extra-marital affairs, and head-butted a non-payer.
so sparky goes down to hell.
within 3 months, he's rewired the place, got the hell fires boiler working efficiently, and satan wants to promote him.
then, satan gets a call from God.
god says, peter made a mistake, sparky is welcome up here in heaven. send him up.
satan replies, oh, no, you van't have him, he's too needed down here.
god then threatens to get a layer on the case.
satan rolls about laffing...... how will you get a layer up there.they all here.

Buzz stop messing with Tel's login........

 

[Squid]

Free screwdrivers, I am up for it.......

 

[Charlie_]

Free screwdrivers, I am up for it.......

View attachment 49075

I prefer sex on the beach

 

[Squid]

I prefer sex on the beach with a dolphin

.

 

[Charlie_]

.

View attachment 49076

Only for training porpoises

 

[Rpa07]

dont give up the day job just yet Tele.

Oh that irony - we need a new button. Get rid of the ‘dumb’ one, no one uses it anyway - where is scrumpyjack anyhow?

 

[Rpa07]

Here’s a nice little lunchtime story;

The Sex Life Of An Electron
by Eddie Currents*

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad decided to seek out a cute little coil to help his discharge. He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride in his Megacycle. They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge and stopped by a Magnetic field with flowing currents and frolicked in the sine waves.

Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's characteristic curves, soon had her fully charged and proceeded to excite her resistance to a minimum. He gently laid her at ground potential, raised her frequency, and lowered her reluctance. With a quick arc, he pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it in her socket, connecting them in parallel.

He slowly began short circuiting her resisitance shunt while quickly raising her thermal conductance level to mill-spec. Fully excited, Milli-Amp mumbled "OHM...OHM...OHM!"

With his tube operating well into class C, and her field vibrating with his current flow, a corona formed which instantly caused her shunt to overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad rapidly discharged and drained off every electron into her grid.

They fluxed all night trying various connectors and sockets until his magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field strength. Afterwards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids, and, with his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was unable to excite his field. Not ready to be quiescent, they spent the rest of the evening reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

Are you taking the day off today Charlie - that’s a lot of words for a lunchtime break?