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Coronavirus - Keeping it light :-) 57531 - EletriciansForums.net
 
Highway Code Revised:

Cyclists are now instructed to ride in the centre of the lane.
As opposed to the centre of the poxy pavement......
 
I bought ourselves a Tandem, which my OH did not like because it wobbled, so I converted it to a trike, now that does annoy motorists, but the good thing about it is hill starts, its stable from the off, both on the pedals and start.
 
"Do you know what speed you were doing, Sir?" asked the policeman.
"I do apologise Officer," I replied. "I've never used this road before, and I honestly thought it was an unrestricted zone."
"No you didn't!!" my wife protested. "We only live round the corner, you said you were putting your foot down because there wouldn't be any coppers around this late!"
"May I see your insurance?" the cop said grimly. "I've just renewed it," I assured him. "It'll be in the post, I'll drop a copy to the station next week."
"Actually," said the wife, "you were short on cash this month and said you'd leave it til you had the money. It ran out a fortnight ago."
I turned to her and snapped "will you keep your mouth shut, you stupid cow...." "Does he always talk to you like that, Madam?" asked the copper. "No," my wife replied. "Only when he's been drinking."

~Barry Cryer~
 
vet/ taxidermist?
There’s one job that could lead into another…

“I’m sorry, mrs smith… there was nothing I could do for your apparently healthy budgie… I know this was just a check up… here’s the bill”

Sounds the same as:-

“I’m sorry, mrs smith… I can’t do any of the electrical jobs you asked for because, eh…. Um…. I would need to change your consumer unit to a metal one… yes. That’s it… mhmm… and your ehhh… cables are the wrong colour.. Needs a full rewire!…. Here’s the bill.”
 

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