OP
specs
As it happens I just got my new ones on Saturday as the thieving ' B's ' that broke in to my van nicked my spare specs. I'm guessing they just wanted to see the bright side of life.
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As it happens I just got my new ones on Saturday as the thieving ' B's ' that broke in to my van nicked my spare specs. I'm guessing they just wanted to see the bright side of life.
OP
Silly Sausage
Keep up the good work!
OP
specs
It would seem that I cannot copy and paste in this thread anymore, as I have not got the time or the inclination to type out my posts I will say farewell to the jokes thread. I thank you for the likes and thanks .
OP
dan86
Just heard a rumor that Cadburys are bringing out an oriental chocolate bar, though it could just be a chinese whispah
OP
dan86
why can't you copy + paste. what's happened?!
OP
specs
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting! at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate".
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting! at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate".
OP
specs
Sorry to spoil your day:biggrin5:
OP
specs
Don't know how or why, maybe one of my grandchildren mucking about with it. My youngest son just came in and mucked about with it for about 10 secs and hey presto copy + paste was back on.:angel_smile:
OP
Earthstore
Yeah... So more jokes then, we all love it....
OP
specs
Sainsbury's car park . Please BE WARNED! Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam whilst out shopping.
Simply dropping into Sainsbury's supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends!
Here's how the scam works:
Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls of eastern European origin come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Tesco. You agree and they both get in the back seat.
On the way there, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on November 1st, 4th, 6th, 9th and 10th and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for
Simply dropping into Sainsbury's supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends!
Here's how the scam works:
Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls of eastern European origin come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Tesco. You agree and they both get in the back seat.
On the way there, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on November 1st, 4th, 6th, 9th and 10th and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for
OP
specs
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of Steinlager beer cheap at the local supermarket.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of bevvy, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" ...
I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"What kind of beer 'ya got?"
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of bevvy, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" ...
I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"What kind of beer 'ya got?"
OP
specs
This is test you.
Just click on where you think the city is and the plane will land there, then it will show where the city actually is!!
Good luck!!!
This is a lot of fun and informative too.
Warning - it can become addictive!
http://www.lufthansa-vp.com/vp1/play.htm
Just click on where you think the city is and the plane will land there, then it will show where the city actually is!!
Good luck!!!
This is a lot of fun and informative too.
Warning - it can become addictive!
http://www.lufthansa-vp.com/vp1/play.htm
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Link don't work
OP
specs
when it comes up this link appears to be broken, click on that link
http://www.lufthansa-vp.com/vp1/play.html this one
http://www.lufthansa-vp.com/vp1/play.html this one
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OP
specs
only tried it once, I realised I was no geography expert after landing about 10000 miles from London, and I live here. I think I landed in Moscow or thereabouts im gonna try t again
OP
specs
17757, any advance on that, I didn't realise how crap I was at geography, mind you in my defence I have 'never been abroad'
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where do I find that
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