Coronavirus - Keeping it light :-)

[Julie.]

Sounds about right

 

[OnlQQker]

Perfectly named to report on the current fuel crisis ?

 

[littlespark]

And the cameraman was his brother, Jerry

 

[telectrix]

minder ---Terry McCann

 

[123]

 

[littlespark]

I must be getting old.

Measuring out for down lights today on a high ceiling… scaffold tower needed. Up and down all day. Tape measure was too short… so back down, upstairs to where my tools were, got the 5m measure and back down to the scaffold.

Now where’s my pencil?
On the platform? No
On the floor? No
Did I take it upstairs? Walked back … No
Did the plumber take it? ( you know what they’re like)…. No

Ok…. Check my box again. Check the floor and scaffold again.

Scratched my head to think.


Oh.


There it is.


On my ear. ?

 

[Mike Johnson]

Never been able to do that, having been follicle challenged since the age of 18 pencils will not stay behind my ears, but I do understand, pencils and tape's fall through the gap in the Space Time Continuum never to be recovered.

 

[ruston]

Never been able to do that, having been follicle challenged since the age of 18 pencils will not stay behind my ears, but I do understand, pencils and tape's fall through the gap in the Space Time Continuum never to be recovered.

And reading glasses !

 

[littlespark]

I think I must have a sweaty head-to-ear attachment point, because it’s always fitted perfectly…… and doesn’t slide out.

 

[littlespark]

I’ll get this in before the panic buying subsides…..


What’s the difference between paraffin and petrol?


There’s two f’s in paraffin, but no effin’ petrol!

 

[Julie.]

 

[Julie.]

Probably not one for speakers - and there may be foul language

 

[Julie.]

I'd heard on social media that there is a Christmas tree shortage in the UK thanks to Brexit. So today in the supermarket I had a look and there wasn't a single Christmas Tree for sale!

So immediately when I got home I ordered 15 online. They didn't have any in stock but are expecting them before Xmas - best to get one's name down ASAP!!!

Better get those trees bought fast folks, I literally haven't seen any this year yet.


#panicbuylikeamoron

 

[littlespark]

Not seen any festive mince pies either. Must be sold out already, daft beggars.
And Easter eggs? Can’t get one for love or money.

 

[telectrix]

neither can i find iceberg lettuce. apparently, global warming has melted them all.

 

[OnlQQker]

Only in Britain...

 

[OnlQQker]

Meanwhile..

 

[littlespark]

Holidays are coming, holidays are coming, holidays are coming….

 

[OnlQQker]

Clocks go back an hour this month...

 

[OnlQQker]