Funniest TV or film quotes......

[Geordie Spark]

"Never give a sucker an even break" - W.C. Fields.

 

[Geordie Spark]

Start every day with a smile and get it over with - W.C. Fields

 

[Adam W]

Francine: "You ruined everything!"
Stan: "Everything? (imitates police siren) Oh, that's the Hyperbole Police coming to take you away, and lock you up in Exaggeration-traz. I think I made my point. Eloquent."
(American Dad)

 

[spidersparks]

Roice Williams :- you guys said your Japanese?
Bo duke :- we converted!
(Dukes if Hazard)

Junior :- daddy my hat fell off!
Sherif justice:- I hope your god dam head was in it!
(Smokey and the Bandit)

 

[Darkwood]

Hey! hey! hey! Calm Down!....whats up wi you ...yer taken something you shoudn't er?

Harry Henfield - 3 scousers on the coach trip

 

[Silly Sausage]

Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head.



or just about any other line from Withnail & 1.

 

[Nolnoc]

Father Ted....No no I'm not a fascist I'm a priest.Fascist's dress in black and tell people what to do

 

[timo1]

The office - "Chris. Why don't you just F@@K off"

One of the best moments from one of the best comedy series ever in my humble opinion.

 

[telectrix]

Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.

 

[Des 56]

That was never 5 minutes
I told you once I'm not allowed to argue with you

 

[ian.settle1]

The World According to Garp (who was played by Robin Williams)

The scene where he is talking to John Lithegow (who was playing the part of a transexual) at the womens refuge after his wife had an accident with one of her students while performing a certain act on him and John Lithegow turned to him and said

"Well at least mine was surgically removed under Anaesthetic" ouch

 

[Resu]

Does he look like a bitch?

 

[ruston]

Madge in Benidorm " Sweating like a glassblowers ---." --- doesn't do it justice:wink5:

 

[Spoon]

WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake,
[angels sing]
her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!