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I have driven to the pub a few times in my youth, woke up and realised someone has kindly brought it home for me and parked it outside my house all over the pavement on more than occasion. Cant say I am proud of doing it now though.

I’ve got a mate that arrived at the pub around 10 o’clock and didn’t notice the police car in the pub car park. They watched him go in and an hour later watched him come out. Just as he was inserting the key into the ignition there was a tap on the window. He knew he was busted because he had a few. Anyway, the nice man politely asked him to step into the police car for a word. While in there they asked him where he lived? He told them, and one took his car key and drove his car back to his house while the other gave him a lift back home. You just don’t get this kind of public service out of them anymore...lol. Lucky bar-steward!
 
I’ve got a mate that arrived at the pub around 10 o’clock and didn’t notice the police car in the pub car park. They watched him go in and an hour later watched him come out. Just as he was inserting the key into the ignition there was a tap on the window. He knew he was busted because he had a few. Anyway, the nice man politely asked him to step into the police car for a word. While in there they asked him where he lived? He told them, and one took his car key and drove his car back to his house while the other gave him a lift back home. You just don’t get this kind of public service out of them anymore...lol. Lucky bar-steward!
from some you do, some are just pricks though but thats not unique to the police just you cant do a lot about them
 
Consider yourself lucky , what if there was a live connector block in place of the missing switch and you touched it and couldn't get you're hand out .....

Floor socket and I could see the plug top sticking out of the hole. I was'nt that drunk lol. First rule of inspecting, use your eyes first.



My best friend (RIP Rob) were on holiday in the USA. Couple of nights in New Orleans (before Katrina), we were on Bourbon Street a couple of weeks before mardi gras. People on the iron balcony's throw down beaded necklaces if you impress them or do something to make them laugh. Well one thing led to another to impress the ladies and my mate thought it was a good idea to pull his pants down to his ankles and swing his man sausage from side to side like a church bell at a wedding!

He was not aware of the police man stood behind him!!!! Christ, he looked like John Coffey (Micheal Clarke Duncan) from the film Green Mile with a badge and a loaded gun!!!! In a very authoritative voice he was told to pull his pants back up. He bent over to do so and gave the police man a view of his lower area that he did not want to see lol. Both of us got pinned to a wall and got a right talking to. God knows how we did not get arrested although an on the spot fine was given, did not pay it, we were going to Vagas in 2 days time so sod it pmsl.
 
Done a "number 2" on the landing just outside toilet....Aunties house, great night.....hmm
Reported my car stolen after day on the lash.....only to un-report it stolen after calling my mate who informed me that it was STILL sitting on his driveway where I had left it prior to the spur of the moment Friday morning all day sesh (Both skipping work like school kids lol). Old bill were not very impressed when I called them back.....got away with wasting police time...just.
Fell asleep on last train "home" from london.....too many times and expensive cab fairs to mention.
Woke up in strange houses...no idea how or who I was there with.
None of my shame involves violence BTW as I was never that way inclined. It's just when I was a young lad I could not handle my ale so good....lol
Many other scrapes and pranks down the years....could probably write a book tbh.
 
No great story has ever started without alcohol. :biggrin:

On this particular day at work, there was loads of mickey taking. The yank was on the receiving end of most of it because he claimed that his Alsatian was the hardest dog in the world, and took a bullet at point blank range, survived and never even flinched. So on the way back to the digs, we popped into the Lady Godiva for a swift half and some light entertainment. There were about sixteen of us round this large table. There were Scandinavians, Germans, Brits, Italians etc. It was great! We explained the jokes to the Germans. The French chose the wine. The Italians ordered the food. The Swiss chatted up the waitress for us, and the Dutchman spent his evening stopping the Swede from committing suicide. We had a really good laugh! A shining example of European co-operation and harmony. It was spoilt only by this pain in the ar$e Yank who constantly moaned about people smoking at the table (you could still do that in those days) and he couldn’t grasp the notion that we might want another drink or two. Anyway, he didn’t like the stick we gave one of the black Brits for being off-white even though the lad was giving as good as he got. Accused us of being racist. Now you can knock our fellow Europeans as much as you like but they all can smell a windup when it’s on the cards. After a lengthy discussion about peoples colour, it became widely accepted across the table with the exception of the Yank, that
1: All of south Africa is black, no exception!
2: All of Europe and north Africa is white, no exception!
3: All of America is black, no exception!
4: All of Russia is red, no exception!
5: All of Asia is yellow, no exception!
6: And the rest of the world are differed shades of grey, no exception!
Well, the white Yank which was a descendent from black south African slaves because all Americans are :biggrin:, wasn’t having none of it and the black lad completely killed me off when he said to the Yank; “The trouble with you blacks is, you always play the race card when things are not going your way.” I swear all my internal organs were hurting from all that laughing. Anyway, in all the excitement, I let my guard down and asked the Swiss if he would help me chat-up the waitress. I wanted to know the French for “I think you have very beautiful eyes”, so you can imagine my surprise when I got slapped across the face after uttering the words “Puis-je deviner la couleur de vos culottes en par léchant eux” in my best French.
To be fair, I would have done the same thing if the boot had been on the other foot…lol.
 
No great story has ever started without alcohol. [emoji3]

On this particular day at work, there was loads of mickey taking. The yank was on the receiving end of most of it because he claimed that his Alsatian was the hardest dog in the world, and took a bullet at point blank range, survived and never even flinched. So on the way back to the digs, we popped into the Lady Godiva for a swift half and some light entertainment. There were about sixteen of us round this large table. There were Scandinavians, Germans, Brits, Italians etc. It was great! We explained the jokes to the Germans. The French chose the wine. The Italians ordered the food. The Swiss chatted up the waitress for us, and the Dutchman spent his evening stopping the Swede from committing suicide. We had a really good laugh! A shining example of European co-operation and harmony. It was spoilt only by this pain in the ar$e Yank who constantly moaned about people smoking at the table (you could still do that in those days) and he couldn’t grasp the notion that we might want another drink or two. Anyway, he didn’t like the stick we gave one of the black Brits for being off-white even though the lad was giving as good as he got. Accused us of being racist. Now you can knock our fellow Europeans as much as you like but they all can smell a windup when it’s on the cards. After a lengthy discussion about peoples colour, it became widely accepted across the table with the exception of the Yank, that
1: All of south Africa is black, no exception!
2: All of Europe and north Africa is white, no exception!
3: All of America is black, no exception!
4: All of Russia is red, no exception!
5: All of Asia is yellow, no exception!
6: And the rest of the world are differed shades of grey, no exception!
Well, the white Yank which was a descendent from black south African slaves because all Americans are [emoji3], wasn’t having none of it and the black lad completely killed me off when he said to the Yank; “The trouble with you blacks is, you always play the race card when things are not going your way.” I swear all my internal organs were hurting from all that laughing. Anyway, in all the excitement, I let my guard down and asked the Swiss if he would help me chat-up the waitress. I wanted to know the French for “I think you have very beautiful eyes”, so you can imagine my surprise when I got slapped across the face after uttering the words “Puis-je deviner la couleur de vos culottes en par léchant eux” in my best French.
To be fair, I would have done the same thing if the boot had been on the other foot…lol.


lol i would have done similar when giving advice in a different language XD

fuzakeru na lol

aho is a popular one
 
lol i would have done similar when giving advice in a different language XD

fuzakeru na lol

aho is a popular one

Yeah, I know what you mean. I once caught out one of the lads with “Ich bin ein Berliner”. What he didn’t know was that Berliner is also a doughnut…lol.
 

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