Jokes on your apprentice

[LukeScotty]

noticed that there were a few jokes about apprentice with glass hammers, any got any more? list em, and list your stories too. When I worked i the kitchen we used to send the new ones for chicken lips and salmon legs to all the other resturants in, i've laughed so much and all the places we send em too, play along with the joke, they can be gone for hours (meadowhall thats in sheffield)

 

[alex]

ive had em all done to me, and me being a wally fell for them all..............

ive had them getting to push a petrol genny welder up and down trying to bump start it.

ive had my riggers when i was an apprentice painted yellow with yellow spots.

il try and think of a few more ive fell for.

it dosent bother me cos im always good for a laugh.

 

[wayne]

before you try these at work ...... did anyone see the video of the ng bailey apprentices setting each others shoes on fire ? the chief did and fired everyone involved ,then got HSE involved
the days of sticking a piece of conduit through the sleeves of the apprentice is over

 

[danzor]

my friend sent me a video of a site he on, you know the big nail guns the chippys use, they managed to hold an apprentice up on a stud wall and nail him to it. He was a good 2 foot of the floor

 

[rumrunner]

if you work for "No goods" you deserve to be set on fire
atvbitwww

N.G video has been removed fron youtube ,This ones quite good thoughhttp://youtube.com/watch?v=v4QlcnHmCQ

 

[Bane]

No good link that rumrunner

 

[woodysparks]

we convinced one lad (bungalow)that in medieval times they used bamboo as conduit with wet string inside cos wire hadnt been invented yet and once a week you would pour water down the top of the bamboo to keep the continuity

 

[rumrunner]

Brilliant ,we got one lad to check the megger was working by testing it on his self ,he used to do it all the time ,maybee he liked it

 

[Spudmiester]

Saw one lad holding a bucket underneath a bit of twin and earth dangling from the ceiling. Was there for ages.

Apparently he was waiting for the voltage drop !!!

once had my steel to caps welded to a lump of RSJ, whilst still wearing them. Ouch!

 

[earl81]

guys i worked with screwed a boys toolbox to the floor.

he picked it up in a rush and broke his wrist

 

[rumrunner]

nice one ,earl pmsl

 

[LukeScotty]

that wudda been funny as *** to see that, shudda filmed it. can imagine lid ripping off and flying off some where

 

[ian.settle1]

Brilliant ,we got one lad to check the megger was working by testing it on his self ,he used to do it all the time ,maybee he liked it

Had a similar trick with a megger where the switch was a rocker type one way was continuity test and the other insulation resistance test.

Told apprentice to hold the leads and pressed IR side boy did he jump then electrician got hold of leads but this time pressed continuity side no reaction from electrician told apprentice until he could take the megger test he would be no good at recieving a belt off the mains.

When he found out the truth he called us all the c***s under the sun for doing it to him.

Another trick we played on him was he came to get his toolbox which was metal and couldn't find it, asked where it was told him to look for it.

He finally found it welded 8 foot of the ground to a steel beam.

 

[The Electrical Connection]

send the apprentice to the wholesalers for a 'long weight'
Or send him there for a 'terminal weight'
Or 100 metres of 6249Y 25mm
When cleaning up at the end of a job - send him out to the car wash for a bucket of steam.

I could go on.....cruel though ...ain't it

 

[sparky64]

Used to earn a few bob by telling apps to nip to store for a "silent door bell"
the eyes used to instantly light up and you got the usual no such thing. One fiver bet later back they came with a mountcastle "silent bell"
Having a deaf school on the books can come in usefull.

 

[linzilou72]

I got asked to go to wholesalers and pick up a left handed hammer, I was also asked to go and get air ladders, but I was brought up in pub so wasn't gonna fall for anything as lame as that.

But one poor apprentice was put through a christmas tree wrapper you know the one with the mesh. ha ha that was hilarious and they drove home with him tied to back of truck.

 

[Kitch]

We sent a first year apprentice to the stores a few weeks ago to get 10 metres of fallopian tubing and a new bubble for the spirit level. Our store manager has a sense of humour too and gave him a bucket of water with a straw in it, all out of fallopian tubing though.

 

[razpag]

I feel really guilty now, but we used to send our 'lad' into Oddies for Felatio Cakes, or Cunnilingus Pasties. Cruel, but the best belly laughs we've ever had.

Another of the old ones is the sending them for the infamous 'Sky hooks', or a tin of striped paint.

Dont know about you lot, but its part of the prennies' passage of age, and a great bond is usually formed between yourselves.

 

[Spudmiester]

Cant beat the good old 'Long Stand'

 

[sparkyork]

not really a joke as such but i had an apprentice with me at a job in lincoln, he was chopping out some metal boxes with a 2-3lb lump hammer, i was been the site idiot and entertaining him, he looked away from what he was doing whilst continuing to stricke his chisel, missed and caught his thumb, looked grose nearly pulled his thumb nuckle off. then his bottom lip starting wobbling he was so close to crying i just couldn help but laugh my little white hairy ar$e off!!

apprentices butty bag laying vulnerable, chicken and mayonaise sarnies with an extra helping of decorators caulk!!

 

[Carter]

One trappy apprentice who had a bit too much to say for himself; verdict: zip-tied to stanchion and copious quantities of Trefolux applied.

Welding re-bar accross the miscreant's toe caps was another one I recall.

The above escalation was triggered by said apprentice's initial reluctance to make tea as required and his childish (but inventive) original protest of drilling and screwing his spark's enamel mug to the canteen table and then filling it with tea. Cheeky little get left a straw in it and I think that's what sealed his inevitable date with the cutting paste.

 

[mdshunk]

When I was a factory electrician, we wrapped one guy's car with one of those big rolls of cling film that you wrap up shipping pallets with. We used the whole roll. Must be a mile of it on one of those rolls. His car was well "preserved".

For another fellow, we drilled and tapped his tool box for a Zerk fitting (grease fitting) and filled the whole tool box up with grease through the fitting. I thought it was funny at first, but the guy really went off the deep end when he found out what was done, and I honestly thought he was going to hurt someone badly.

 

[Carter]

When I was a factory electrician, we wrapped one guy's car with one of those big rolls of cling film that you wrap up shipping pallets with. We used the whole roll. Must be a mile of it on one of those rolls. His car was well "preserved".

ha ha! we hoisted one blokes motor 18feet in the air on a fork truck and left him to figure it out

For another fellow, we drilled and tapped his tool box for a Zerk fitting (grease fitting) and filled the whole tool box up with grease through the fitting. I thought it was funny at first, but the guy really went off the deep end when he found out what was done, and I honestly thought he was going to hurt someone badly.

Funny as..., but I'm not surprised he went nuclear, ad hominems, fair enough but my attitude is that if you dick about with a guy's tools then you do so at your own risk.

 

[kung]

Sent mine for a left handed screwdriver and a skirting board ladder. also when i was in electronic engineering used to charge up the big caps (capacitors) and get the trainees to fetch em lol soon as they put their hands on top of them to pick them up you heard a scream lol well more of a girly urgggg then went walking off like mr bean !

 

[Anonomoose]

Oh boy im wiping off the tears to write this. some of these were fantastic. the broken wrist and the bakery treats were fantastic.
I never fell for the jokes but suffered for it. i was screwed to an 8ft x 4ft bit of ply all round my outline then the ply put up on a wall and left while they drew things on me.
Back before the world went health and safety & political correctness crazy i was duck taped to an office chair and a sign put on me reading "Kiddy Fiddler", stuck in a lift and sent to the ground floor (Heathrow Airport main terminal entrance). That was fun. Also had my boots screwed from the bottom up to a scaffold platform.

 

[empress]

got made target practice when the painters nicked our offcuts of 20mm plastic conduit and made em into putty blow pipes.
was 20ft up on Ali scaff when six of em opened fire with no were to hide.
god they hurt.
thought i was clever when i bent a piece 90degree with a spring so i could fire round corners.
trouble was my one and only shot hit me boss in the middle of his forehead ,should of checked who is was first before letting rip.
the red mark it left was a corker.
he went mental,got a well deserved beating and a near down the road ,was on the last year serving me time,
that was over 20 years ago and i can laugh at it now ,my how times have changed.
elfyn

 

[Anonomoose]

I was telling a mate about this thread today he said on a site once when he was an apprentice his boss gave him a 5lb sledge hammer and a letter and told him to give it to one of the girls in the office.

 

[ScottGlover]

i once worked with some paddys and they stuck me upside down in one of those blue barrels. they left me there for ages and said next time it will be full of water.

I was my self,

 

[WB Scott]

At one of the companys we worked for we told an apprentice that we required some lubrication for a job we were doing the following day and that we had no time to go and get it, in his eagerness to please, he offered to help and go get some. So off we sent him that night, to get us some KY jelly, which we told him he could get from asda.

Anyway next day, he turns up proud as punch with this KY jelly, only to tell us him mum had taken him to asda for it!! and repeatedly asked him if it was a windup11 To which he replied, " No mum, they wouldnt do anything like that to me!" haha!

 

[kung]

Good jokes on here !

 

[jellen]

I was tied face down from a railing, the boss turned up and told me he wasn't paying me to hang around

A few weeks ago our apprentice was set on with 5 water fire extinguishers

 

[desertbootz]

I once got a lad to paint the workshop floor. "Shall I start at the back and work my way out then?" he asked showing far too much insight and foresight for one so young.
"Mugs way that" I told him putting on my earnest face "You gotta work away from the door. When you get to the far side the doorway should've dried enough for you to get out"
So he did. What a chump and how I laughed.

Used to regularly fly our clerk round the workshop on the overhead. I say regularly, it was almost every time he wore a belt and didn't pay attention. He wasn't an apprentice but everyone got a go at flying the clerk up until the colonel busted us. Apparently that sort of thing is bullying...

 

[johnnyb]

I was apprentice to a spark who was always falling out with the gaffers, in those days we got a wage packet with cash in it, and if he was one penny short he would be on the war path.
This particular day at brew time and i got the bloody blame for this, we were all sat in cabin havin a brew and there was a site meeting, our gaffer smoked the biggest pipe you could imagine like a waste paper bin, massive thing, and he had left it on the table near jimmy the spark, he put red chalk line chalk under the tobacco, and the gaffer went off to the meeting.
This meeting went onto dinner when the door of the cabin burst open with stan the gaffer swearing his head off which (NO SWEARING) did this, honest lads he looked like the joker out of batman all up his cheeks red chalk, and he must have been puffin away in that meeting not knowing, well i started to laugh the loudest and being near the cabin door got a clip around mi lug holes for the privilige.

 

[bulliespark]

the place i used to work sent a guy to the whosalers with a list of stuff to get on the list was 6 felopian tubes , when the guy serving him asked what size he wanted he asked to borrow the phone to ring up work and check what size he should get .
we put the phone on loud speaker but no one could stop laughing and we were sussed out .

 

[maddfridge]

hi there

the jokes on us in our company they do not employ any cost too much

cheers

 

[TPES]

the place i used to work sent a guy to the whosalers with a list of stuff to get on the list was 6 felopian tubes , when the guy serving him asked what size he wanted he asked to borrow the phone to ring up work and check what size he should get .
we put the phone on loud speaker but no one could stop laughing and we were sussed out .

Ha ha ha


I fell for the obvious "Go and fetch me a Glass hammer".. After searching about 3 of the lads tool boxes for a glass hammer they gave in and let me in on the gag.

But i genuinly thought i was looking for a normal looking hammer but was special one for smashing glass with.. Doh!

 

[bazza2541]

I had a foreman once who thought it was funny to put cutting compound on my wiper blades.
After I got out of hospital, I threw his toolbox into a cement mixer, he didn't laugh so much at that.
Seen another apprentice getting a 'doing' in a factory before he was due to get married, they doused him in caustic soda, needless to say the wedding was cancelled.
Seeing a mans face melt kinda takes the fun out of the pranks

In saying that I still get a perverse pleasure in punishing apprentices by making them thread 5 or 6 lengths of 20mm conduit into nipples.

 

[Andy Smith]

Contempt Of Court
Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.
Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.
"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.
His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"
Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."
The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"
_______________________________

Very funny

 

[Modernelectric]

lol at some of these, ive seen apprentices have the floortrap screwed back down while they were still underneath and fibreglass shoved down boxershorts.

 

[terry451]

Ever seen a tool box filled with expanding foam.....