Got any funny 'Tools being nicked' stories?

[Silly Sausage]

We've all suffered this, Cheers you slags.
Anyway, a plasterer told me this one, he was working in a downstairs room, in someones house, with his mixing drill lying on the floor, plugged in near the front door (open). He notices it moving slowly along the floor towards the door, you get the idea. Needless to say he went out and battered them.

 

[Knobhead]

On the industrial side.

A contract fitter (Polish) is just gazing out the W/S window drinking tea. A van pulls up, two guys get out and hook up a temporary compressor we were using to boost the plant air supply and drive off with it.
I arrive back at the W/S and just casually ask Branko “where’s the compressor”? “Two guys with van took it away”. “Who did”? “Two guys with van”.
Phoned the police to report it stolen only to be told “we’ve found it”! “Where”? “It’s on the M1 hard shoulder with a flat tyre between junctions XX and XX. Can you come and shift it”?

 

[sparky3366]

We found a Polish guy stealing from all trades on a site in Sunderland a few years ago...his locker was bunged with nicked tools. Fiday afternoon, he was nail-gunned to a wall by his clothing and left for the weekend.
Strangely enough, he never came back after he was released...

 

[mogga]

Street lighting guys had wee genny on back step of the van taken while they were up top grinding stuff off pole A wee word with ye local mr BIG n genny was returned within 60mins Next days paper "2 young lads were found with broken fingers " seems Mr big liked the nice flood light supplied for his back garden Illumination

 

[Kamikaze]

One of the lads from work was sitting at some traffic lights in Telford when the back door of the van opened up and a couple of drills thrashed the one minute mile before he could get his seatbelt off.

 

[millwall ken]

Few years back when I was a mate, the Govnor and I pulled up at a prospective job. Went and priced it up, came out and the van had been emptied. Welcome to sunny Milton Keynes.

 

[Phil]

I was once in a sandwich shop in Headingly at 1 am "yes they do open that late up there" came out to some scrote with his head looking into the drivers side window whilst fumbling to get in. crept up on him a slammed his head from the back into the side pillar. it made some strange sort of noise and funny enough so did he whilst he was trying to work out what the hell was going on :50: and i didn`t even drop the sarnie

not a tool one but a theft all the same when i was doing a bit of taxy`ing some scum bag tried to have me over for a 10 quid fare, he left the car without his chavvy hoodie his watch and a couple of quid from his scummy little pockets. funny what a recycled piece of metal can persuade some to do

 

[mogga]

My dad use to do a bit of taxying and the local plod frequented the office for a brew @ silly time in morning During one of their visits a cabby said about having a baseball bat in cab "just in case" reply from plod was "Just incase there is an inproptue game of baseball in the street?" he then went on to advise them to carry MagLite 6dcell torches as they could have one "Just incase" and could use said torch for hammering nails ect but more importantly they could also stand in court when asked "Why did you have a torchin your cab?" and give a responce of "As I may need to see house numbers or names in the dark and easiest place to keep my torch is down the side of my seat"
I still have a 6cell maglite doesnt work but it has batteries in it n its down side of seat in my car "Just incase"

 

[trev]

A few years ago there was a warehouse being converted into a shop by one of the local well known people who were not always completely legal in their dealings shall we say. On day one I was packing my gear back into the van when I was told to leave it as "no one will dare to screw this place over"
A few days later the place did indeed get screwed over and all the trades lost a lot of kit, once the owner got to know he came down and told us we had to go home immediately as he had guests coming but not to worry he would still pay all our day rates so we were all off like dirty shirts.
The following morning all tools were back on the job and it was reported in the local paper that two guys had been found in a bad way after a severe beating.
I never did find out if the two events were connected

 

[Phil]

My dad use to do a bit of taxying and the local plod frequented the office for a brew @ silly time in morning During one of their visits a cabby said about having a baseball bat in cab "just in case" reply from plod was "Just incase there is an inproptue game of baseball in the street?" he then went on to advise them to carry MagLite 6dcell torches as they could have one "Just incase" and could use said torch for hammering nails ect but more importantly they could also stand in court when asked "Why did you have a torchin your cab?" and give a responce of "As I may need to see house numbers or names in the dark and easiest place to keep my torch is down the side of my seat"
I still have a 6cell maglite doesnt work but it has batteries in it n its down side of seat in my car "Just incase"

our council licensing would take your badge off you if they caught you with a mag light. typical human rights bull, they didn`t want us hitting anyone who may attack us with a mag light. the compulsory fire ext doubled up nicely, heavy and when you battered them with it you could release a nice plume of powder into the face, not that I ever did that or condone it in any way
:13:

 

[jar]

Heard this first hand from people who were there so it must be true.
Milton k wwtw lights went out and pump stopped they went to check genny. two guys in high vis with tranny pickup and trailer say bowser is brocken need to take all plant to compound to fill with deisel. Its ok thats our geny and its petrol, no probs say the hi vis and put genny back on ground. Latter on all things stop on sit as there are no genies power or liftable plant. Security guard even held gate open for the people to leave. If you have the balls you can have anything you want.

 

[scotsparky]

My dad use to do a bit of taxying and the local plod frequented the office for a brew @ silly time in morning During one of their visits a cabby said about having a baseball bat in cab "just in case" reply from plod was "Just incase there is an inproptue game of baseball in the street?" he then went on to advise them to carry MagLite 6dcell torches as they could have one "Just incase" and could use said torch for hammering nails ect but more importantly they could also stand in court when asked "Why did you have a torchin your cab?" and give a responce of "As I may need to see house numbers or names in the dark and easiest place to keep my torch is down the side of my seat"
I still have a 6cell maglite doesnt work but it has batteries in it n its down side of seat in my car "Just incase"

I had the same and i was stopped!! I used to travell up and down the A82 a lot so i got away with it

 

[mogga]

HERE SS the A82s gonny be shutting from Ferry tp fprt william sometime in November it was on Traffic scotland website

 

[trev]

I remember one from years ago, a court was in session..the whole works, a judge in gowns barristers in wigs and police officers all over the place waiting to give evidence. Two guys bowl up into the courtroom in overalls and stand looking sheepish so the judge asks them what the problem is. Well your honour, one says, we're here to take that large clock away for repair.
Well be quick about it the court is in session says the judge.
Some weeks later the judge is scheduled to be in the same courtroom and asks the clerk of the court of the clock has been returned from the repairers yet.
No one knows anything about it hehe.
Thieves 1 British Judiciary 0.
I have no idea if it's a true story or not but it would be funny if it was true

 

[Knobhead]

Rule 1: look as if you’re legitimate
Rule 2: be confident

Those two rules got me in to no end of trouble.

 

[Phil]

Our local Asda had just got a new range of 42" plasmas in stock when they were a grand or so. this guy comes in to nick one, starts unpacking it on the shop floor as casual as anything. the lad stocking the shelves asks if he wants him to lift it into the car with him. so not only did he have it away but got the shops staff to help him do it. P45`s please

 

[Kamikaze]

Every little bit helps!

 

[jar]

Also heard the alarm man at the bank with a flight case style tool box. As he leaves the secure area behind the counter he is called back to sign his forms leaves toolbox and closes door scumbag legs it with his tools thinking its a case of cash.

 

[jar]

Not quite on the same subject but amusing. Recently worked in pown shop cashachequie type of shop. (this is on u tube) Unhappy costomer starts to kick off big style. Mad person grabs chair and hits safety glass, service person having been reasured by manufacturer that it can withstand shotgun blast stands his ground and hits panic alarm. Costomer then grabs fire ext and is still hammering at glass when the police arive to lift him. Good old pilkington.

 

[Knobhead]

Another good works one.

We “lost” a mini digger, nothing unusual in that as about a dozen people had keys for it. So it would be parked up and somebody would just take it to another part of the works and abandon it when they’d finished.

Anyway after a lot of man hours spent looking for it, we finally get a phone call from the local pub. Will you shift this bloody thing it’s blocking the car park up! The landlord charged the company the £50 wheel clamp fee even though he couldn’t get a clamp on it.

Apparently our accountant was near wetting him self as he handed the cheque over