Coronavirus - Keeping it light :-)

[Mike Johnson]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[Mike Johnson]

Loved the wooden circular saw blade on the back wall.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Now who was the most inventive the plumber or the carpenter:

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

Highway Code Revised:

Cyclists are now instructed to ride in the centre of the lane.
As opposed to the centre of the poxy pavement......

 

[Dustydazzler]

Highway Code Revised:

Cyclists are now instructed to ride in the centre of the lane.
As opposed to the centre of the poxy pavement......

Be interesting to see old Doris on her bike casually cycling down the middle of the road with a 40 mile tail back in her wake

 

[Mike Johnson]

I bought ourselves a Tandem, which my OH did not like because it wobbled, so I converted it to a trike, now that does annoy motorists, but the good thing about it is hill starts, its stable from the off, both on the pedals and start.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Found this in the Fruit bowl this morning.

 

[OnlQQker]

Meanwhile.

Over At Parliament..

 

[OnlQQker]

"Do you know what speed you were doing, Sir?" asked the policeman.
"I do apologise Officer," I replied. "I've never used this road before, and I honestly thought it was an unrestricted zone."
"No you didn't!!" my wife protested. "We only live round the corner, you said you were putting your foot down because there wouldn't be any coppers around this late!"
"May I see your insurance?" the cop said grimly. "I've just renewed it," I assured him. "It'll be in the post, I'll drop a copy to the station next week."
"Actually," said the wife, "you were short on cash this month and said you'd leave it til you had the money. It ran out a fortnight ago."
I turned to her and snapped "will you keep your mouth shut, you stupid cow...." "Does he always talk to you like that, Madam?" asked the copper. "No," my wife replied. "Only when he's been drinking."

~Barry Cryer~

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[littlespark]

I saw a photoshopped image the other day with Sue Grey and Boris in a still from the Fifty Shades of Grey film.

And I brought up a little bit of sick….

 

[123]

 

[littlespark]

And everyone though the Tories couldn’t organise a ---- up in a brewery

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

Over in Russia...

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[littlespark]

vet/ taxidermist?
There’s one job that could lead into another…

“I’m sorry, mrs smith… there was nothing I could do for your apparently healthy budgie… I know this was just a check up… here’s the bill”

Sounds the same as:-

“I’m sorry, mrs smith… I can’t do any of the electrical jobs you asked for because, eh…. Um…. I would need to change your consumer unit to a metal one… yes. That’s it… mhmm… and your ehhh… cables are the wrong colour.. Needs a full rewire!…. Here’s the bill.”

 

[OnlQQker]

New Species Of Spider Found In Western Australia...

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[Julie.]

 

[OnlQQker]

Looking for a bit of advice... What's the best number of Roses to give the girlfriend for Valentine's Day? - 6? 12? 24?

Or the whole tin?





What's the difference between a £20 steak and a £55 steak?

February 14th...

 

[Julie.]

Worse than that, I told my husband not to bother with flowers this year.

So the pillock didn't get me any!!!!

 

[Julie.]

 

[Mike Johnson]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[Julie.]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

For Sale

Trampoline in good condition, £50.00 o.v.n.o

Buyer must collect!

 

[123]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[123]

 

[Deleted account]

View attachment 95375

Not an individual to follow dont you think. definitely not welcome on this site I hope.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Tony Robinson1 or Andrew?

 

[James]

Plasterers voted best lovers in country – how does YOUR job rank? — The Sun

EXCLUSIVE

apple.news

apparentley we are in 2nd place of the U.K. best lovers.
was my wife smiling in agreement or trying to stop a laugh coming out when I told her?

 

[DPG]

Tony Robinson1 or Andrew?

Can't stand Tommy Robinson (you all know that's his brand and not his real name right).

Undecided on Andrew. I stil think she was just after the money to be honest.

 

[Deleted account]

Tony Robinson1 or Andrew?

Tommy Robinson nasty horrible….. need I go on. not Some one we should give post space to.

 

[Deleted account]

Undecided on Andrew. I stil think she was just after the money to be honest.

i definately think he shagged her. So if she was 17 it’s underage over there. Guilty.

Dirty old man comes to mind using a 17 year old girl like that, but not to sure she is an inocent victim in this.

some 17 year olds are pretry switched on, some are not so switched on and can be taken advantage of.

my gut tells me she was switched on and new exactly what she was doing, but I could be wrong which is why the laws over there in Virginia state it’s statutory rape under 18 To remove that doubt.

conclusion. Andrew is guilty in the eyes of the law, but in America a not guilty result can be bought.