best way to deal with t*#t bosses

[atm84]

So just looking for some advice as above.

I work in an office and have a senior engineer above me who feels that it is acceptable to speak to me in an aggressive and degrading manner who puts unnecessary pressure on me to complete tasks as fast as possible and then getting arsy when its not up to standard.

I have been in the industry for over 13 years and can honestly say that I have never been spoken to in this way even when I was on the tools as an apprentice (some would say I was lucky). The point is I am now an adult and expect to be spoken to with respect and NOT be treated like a child.

It is meant to be a professional environment but is far from it.

I took the job a few months ago and was told that I would have a senior engineer above me who would act as a mentor. But it is more like an old headmaster at a bording school who tries to crack the whip.

I have raised it my the Manager who told me that he does not understand why I have so much pressure put on me when I am still training and that he thinks that the senior engineer is just trying to throw his weight around as he has never been a manager before (and still isn't) and is trying to be one.

The Senior Engineer never says please or thank you and demands me to get out of my chair and 'come here'.

I will admit that I have started been more abrupt with him and answering back when he speaks to me like crap which prob infuriates him when the office is full but to be honest it infuriates me when he speaks to me like that in a full office.

I have found a number of errors in his work and pulled him up on it which he doesn't like but other ppl have agreed with him. Others in the office agree that its not acceptable how I am spoken to either.

Is it time to jump ship as I don't think ppl can really change and I need to be able to get on with him in order to learn but I find it very frustrating and its causing me to get stressed. I'm only young with a young family to think about.

I don't want to leave as I generally like it there and have only been there a few months and it wouldn't look good on my cv.

I took a massive pay cut to go work there as i was told that I would be trained up by a mentor and that it would be a good working environment with a good work life balance. I'm finding that not to be the case.

Any advice please

 

[ferg]

Have you asked him what his problem is and why he feels the need to treat you like ****e?

 

[atm84]

No and to be honest he would probably say that he doesn't. After a few weeks he told me to 'sit and shut up' and one of the Managers had a word with him. I also told him that I didn't like the way he speaks to me. But nothing has changed. I think, truthly, he doesn't like it when I question him. He gets muddled up with things, gets mixed with the what we have actually been asked to do, writes very poor emails and I sometimes point things out or question things which he doesn't like. If we are doing something wrong and something that the client hasn't asked for then I will speak up. I'm not one to just sit there and not speak up.

 

[Guest77]

Best way to deal with a ****

Next time he tells you to get out of his chair= No I like it here, can you find another to sit on
Next time he tells you to "come here"= Please speak to me like a human being and not your pet dog
Next time he speaks to you like carp= Walk away without answering back at all and go for a half hour walk, then return and act as if he isn't in the room
Next time he gets aggreassive with you= Ask him if he wants to go outside and settle it like men.

 

[Guest77]

No and to be honest he would probably say that he doesn't. After a few weeks he told me to 'sit and shut up' and one of the Managers had a word with him. I also told him that I didn't like the way he speaks to me. But nothing has changed. I think, truthly, he doesn't like it when I question him. He gets muddled up with things, gets mixed with the what we have actually been asked to do, writes very poor emails and I sometimes point things out or question things which he doesn't like. If we are doing something wrong and something that the client hasn't asked for then I will speak up. I'm not one to just sit there and not speak up.

After seeing this reply I think he sees you as a --- who thinks he knows it all hense his snappy attitude, I think the pair of you need to go and have a coffee and try to break the ice.

 

[Engineer54]

I'd take the bugger to one side myself and tell him straight to his face that you don't appreciate his belittling manner towards you, and from now on you are not going to accept it!! Make sure he knows you're being Serious too!!

Best way to deal with bullies or wannabe bullies is to stand up to them and call their bluff!!

 

[atm84]

I like it. I think if I said 'let's go out side and settle it like men' I would get the sack if I said it in front of other ppl.

Sometimes he will say 'can you come here, please!' But its his manner and tone that infuriates me. Just because he put 'please' on the end doesn't mean that he is being polite.

 

[Guest77]

I like it. I think if I said 'let's go out side and settle it like men' I would get the sack if I said it in front of other ppl.

Sometimes he will say 'can you come here, please!' But its his manner and tone that infuriates me. Just because he put 'please' on the end doesn't mean that he is being polite.

Next time he says this= smile and say my name is ? (your name) and of course how can I be of assistance ? (his name)

 

[shanky887614]

I like it. I think if I said 'let's go out side and settle it like men' I would get the sack if I said it in front of other ppl.

Sometimes he will say 'can you come here, please!' But its his manner and tone that infuriates me. Just because he put 'please' on the end doesn't mean that he is being polite.

send a letter in writing to his boss about the bullying, if it carries on then go through the police, his boss will get in hot water if he allows bullying to go on.

 

[Guest77]

send a letter in writing to his boss about the bullying, if it carries on then go through the police, his boss will get in hot water if he allows bullying to go on.

That is pointless buddy, agree with the letter, he should send an e-mail to his boss and cc it to HR if there is one as well, the police will fall about laughing mate, honest they will do nothing as it isn't worthy of sending a copper out to.

 

[shanky887614]

That is pointless buddy, agree with the letter, he should send an e-mail to his boss and cc it to HR if there is one as well, the police will fall about laughing mate, honest they will do nothing as it isn't worthy of sending a copper out to.

i mean to a actually ring the police,

What employees should do if they’re bullied or harassed
Employees should see if they can sort out the problem informally first. If they can’t, they should talk to their:

manager
human resources (HR) department
trade union representative
If this doesn’t work, they can make a formal complaint using their employer’s grievance procedure. If this doesn’t work and they’re still being harassed, they can take legal action at an employment tribunal.

https://www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment


if you mention the steps above in a second letter if first doesnt work then your companies hr department/boss will do something as it will make a lot more work for them otherwise

 

[Guest77]

i mean to a actually ring the police,

What employees should do if they’re bullied or harassed
Employees should see if they can sort out the problem informally first. If they can’t, they should talk to their:

manager
human resources (HR) department
trade union representative
If this doesn’t work, they can make a formal complaint using their employer’s grievance procedure. If this doesn’t work and they’re still being harassed, they can take legal action at an employment tribunal.

https://www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

As a last gasp situation yes okay I agree, he has a long way to go first though, and I agree with all your other points previous to the police part.

 

[atm84]

I agree the police isn't the right way. I asked my Manager for a review and I mentioned that I feel micromanaged and am not given chance to breath but I didn't mention the agro that I get but he is aware of it vaguely.

 

[Guest77]

I agree the police isn't the right way. I asked my Manager for a review and I mentioned that I feel micromanaged and am not given chance to breath but I didn't mention the agro that I get but he is aware of it vaguely.

Out of interest atm84, how old are you? and how old is he?

 

[atm84]

After being with the company for 15 weeks I had a form to fill out from HR to ask how i was settling in and I did quite clearly write that I did not like the way that I was spoken to by the Senior Engineer. But nothing has changed.

 

[atm84]

I am 30 years old, he is in his early 50's.

 

[atm84]

No and to be honest he would probably say that he doesn't. After a few weeks he told me to 'sit and shut up' and one of the Managers had a word with him. I also told him that I didn't like the way he speaks to me. But nothing has changed. I think, truthly, he doesn't like it when I question him. He gets muddled up with things, gets mixed with the what we have actually been asked to do, writes very poor emails and I sometimes point things out or question things which he doesn't like. If we are doing something wrong and something that the client hasn't asked for then I will speak up. I'm not one to just sit there and not speak up.

After seeing this reply I think he sees you as a --- who thinks he knows it all hense his snappy attitude, I think the pair of you need to go and have a coffee and try to break the ice.

That maybe so but if something is quite clearly wrong and could end up with the company getting in **** (which did happen on a job) then I think it needs to be highlighted. I'm not going to sit there and accept it. Where this has happened I have raised with ppl higher up who have told me to make the necessary changes then I get told by the senior engineer to leave it as he has not been officially told. Then he gets grumpy with me because I went over his head.

 

[trev]

I like it. I think if I said 'let's go out side and settle it like men' I would get the sack if I said it in front of other ppl.

So you don't say it in front of other people!
Wait till he goes off to make a cuppa and follow him into the kitchen, make sure you stand between him and the door and ask for a few minutes to have a talk, making sure that you're the one doing the talking of course. You must maintain eye contact at all times (how you hold yourself in this situation is vital for this to succeed) you want to look like you're prepared to give him a kicking but relaxed about the prospect.
You then tell him how since you've started he's treat you like something he's trodden in and how it makes you bloody annoyed (don't say anything that gives him an advantage, it annoys you. That's it)
Then tell him the options
A sort it out like men after work one night
B sort it out like adults now because you don't think he's a bad person and you'd much prefer to just clear the air and find a way forward in your working relationship.
He'll take option B guaranteed

 

[Slowhand]

Remember that because this person is senior to you at work he is not your superior.
Whatever happens don't allow him to make you lose your dignity.
Make him a coffee and put a few drops of optrex in it.
He'll spend all day on the toilet and unless he's actually got you wiping his backside he'll be too busy to bother you.

 

[shanky887614]

Remember that because this person is senior to you at work he is not your superior.
Whatever happens don't allow him to make you lose your dignity.
Make him a coffee and put a few drops of optrex in it.
He'll spend all day on the toilet and unless he's actually got you wiping his backside he'll be too busy to bother you.

exlax is another brand

 

[JameZZZ]

Hi atm84,

i think think that I have been at both ends of the situation you are describing although not in an office environment. I, like you, often question my seniors, simply so that I can get a better understanding myself. I think this can sometimes be taken as a challenge and if he is new to managing people he may feel you are questioning his suitability for his role (even if this is not your intention). From the other side of things it may be that he simply has not worked out how to manage people yet. It is a skill which you must learn. I personally have found that some people need a kick (because they are not interested) and others need a more adult approach. It is clear from your posts you care about the job and the company so an aggressive approach is not correct for you. He may not have worked this out yet. I think you definitely need to speak with him. Tell him you understand the pressure he is under. Tell him you are not questioning his knowledge you see him as a mentor and want to learn (massage his ego a bit). Tell him you are in his side. He sound like he may be insecure in his new role. Stress does funny things to people. Don't threaten him directly unless he threatens you , then you can ask him to step outside. I feel for you because I have been in similar situations and I personally have not handled them very well. Definitely avoid a punch up, this never ends well for anyone.

JameZZZ

 

[Guest77]

That maybe so but if something is quite clearly wrong and could end up with the company getting in **** (which did happen on a job) then I think it needs to be highlighted. I'm not going to sit there and accept it. Where this has happened I have raised with ppl higher up who have told me to make the necessary changes then I get told by the senior engineer to leave it as he has not been officially told. Then he gets grumpy with me because I went over his head.

I am not suggesting you are a --- at all, but he may feel it his end

 

[Pete999]

How big is the firm you work for, do you have an anti bullying policy?

Your way forward is: speak and email your complaint to your manager cc the guy who is giving you grief, his manager, the HR department,the H and S manager and if you are a TU member the union Rep. If you hear nothing within 7 working days, email the same people as before but this time address your email to the Person who has the overall responsibility over all parties.

You may have an employees Rep instead of a TU rep this would be your way out of not being in a TU member.

Bullying is not to be taken lightly, and most firms take a dim view of bullying and should act responsibly over this, I have to say though, that you have been wrong in responding to him in the same manner he treats you, 2 wrongs don't make a right, I was been a TU rep for about 6 years and I have dealt with many cases like yours, a last resort would be to seek an Employment Tribunal , which usually scares them to bits, as you could, depending on how serious the Tribunal takes the complaint, cost your firm money in the form of compensation, this does not happen every time.

Remember as daft as it sounds bullying constitutes a breakdown in H and S at work and although everyone has a responsibility for H and S issues the buck will stop at the head honcho's door, and could result in a personal fine for him.

Hope this helps

 

[HandySparks]

Whatever you do, don't hit him or throw anything at him or threaten to do this, either in work or outside. That would be a quick way of getting you thrown out on the grounds of gross misconduct. Stay in control at all times.

What constitutes gross misconduct?

 

[eddieboy]

Take a dump on is desk

 

[Slowhand]

exlax is another brand

You can't taste optrex, it's an old trolley dolly trick for awkward/abusive passengers and takes only a few minutes to take effect.

 

[telectrix]

ask him how he'll talk to you with his broken jaw wired up.

 

[shanky887614]

You can't taste optrex, it's an old trolley dolly trick for awkward/abusive passengers and takes only a few minutes to take effect.

you cant taste liquid exlax either apparently

 

[Slowhand]

ask him how he'll talk to you with his broken jaw wired up.

Tell him to get a picture taken of himself smiling so he'll have something to remember his teeth with.

 

[Slowhand]

you cant taste liquid exlax either apparently

Didn't know that, I'll pop it in the dirty tricks book ;-)

So we now know exlax and optrex work the same sort of magic....
Anyone tried Artex or Semtex?

 

[telectrix]

turds are tapered so that your arse doesn't close with a bang. semtex would negate this.

 

[shanky887614]

Didn't know that, I'll pop it in the dirty tricks book ;-)

So we now know exlax and optrex work the same sort of magic....
Anyone tried Artex or Semtex?

slowhand, leave exlax chocolate in the fridge at work if someone is helping themselfs

 

[Geordie Spark]

https://www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

 

[atm84]

I do think it can be classed as bullying which would be taken very seriously by employers. I just don't want to make it an issue and then they try to push me out by making me want to leave voluntarily. I have already been looking for another job but if I do leave then he has won which infuriates me even more.

 

[Pete999]

I do think it can be classed as bullying which would be taken very seriously by employers. I just don't want to make it an issue and then they try to push me out by making me want to leave voluntarily. I have already been looking for another job but if I do leave then he has won which infuriates me even more.

Do what I said mate better than leaving

 

[Harni]

I had a manager like this when i was younger. I ignored it for over a year because i was new to the working world and everything was yes sir no sir 3 bags full sir but in the end, i tried everything including going for a 1 to 1 with him where he basically said don't **** up and you won't get shouted at. In the end, i snapped at him. He said something rude in front of everyone in the office so i got up, calmly put my jacket on and walked out when he said "where the **** are you going?" to which i just shouted at the guy. Cant remember my exact words due to the red mist but it was along the lines (and much more padded out) of stop treating me like an arsehole otherwise I'm going to knock you out. Ever since then, he was like my best mate.
Turns out he was a new manager, never been in a managing role before and thought it was a good way to get results from his guys yet he was scared of confrontation.

Im not saying this is the way to solve your issue. If anything, it should be a last resort but i genuinely think some people get so engrossed with their work, they don't realise just how they are being. They are managing a team of people and have to report back to their manager and want to go back to them with good results yet they don't realise that getting the results they want out of these people isn't about shouting at them. Its about working with them.

 

[atm84]

Cheers Hanni.

My issue is though that this guy isn't even a manager, he is just a senior engineer and is meant to be my mentor. Even my manager has said that this guy isn't my boss and that he tries to throw his weight around because he is in a senior role and likes to think he is now a boss, but he isn't. In his last job he wasn't even a senior. Just because he is over 50 it doesn't mean he can speak to me like a kid. I am 30, not 16.

 

[Guest77]

Cheers Hanni.

My issue is though that this guy isn't even a manager, he is just a senior engineer and is meant to be my mentor. Even my manager has said that this guy isn't my boss and that he tries to throw his weight around because he is in a senior role and likes to think he is now a boss, but he isn't. In his last job he wasn't even a senior. Just because he is over 50 it doesn't mean he can speak to me like a kid. I am 30, not 16.

Well credit to him for that achievment, many won't make it, that said there is no need for work place bullying, you need to stand up to him.

 

[SPARTYKUS]

I liked Trevs suggestion atm84.

sorry to hear this has happened to you, it's very poor and not on. I would love to be there and help out, I have in the past, at work and school, been bullied comprehensively but that was mainly for the reasons you mention, I speak up if somethings not right, don't bow to peer pressure, go with the flow etc.

i could give you a long story about my work place bullying-fest when I was a nipper but the short of it was alot like Trev said, I had someone monitor his behaviour for a week so I knew it wasn't just me being sensitive, then when he came in to work monday morning I stood up as he came in and said " a word, outside please" - not a question more of a command

ran it all past him outside, explained what was going to happen from now on and also that I had not involved anyone else higher at this point.

he was nice as pie for the next two years.

doesn't mean it will work for you but I think you need to chew the bully up and spit him out so to speak.

 

[Guest77]

I have had worse than bullying, that I could handle with a right hander to their chins, luckily I have never been bullied at work, however imagine working with Racists and work collegues laughing at disabled people day in day out, that is worse, 10 times worse, you have to endure it or move on and it makes life a right misery, if your unhappy at work, move on, I did, There is always one chimp on every job who spoils it for everyone else, it could be worse there could be 2 of the bullies at your works, you only have one to sort out.