Discuss Dues to the success of the GB team in the Electricians Chat - Off Topic Chat area at ElectriciansForums.net

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malcolmsanford

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7,375
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Kent working back out there yet again
With the success of the Team GB in the Olympics and a upsurge of Nationalism in the UK, it’s been decided that giving America it’s independence was a mistake and so the following

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

You’re new Prime Minister (The RT. Hon. David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should re-learn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like Nancy's). We are hoping to get together at least US rugby sevens side by 2015.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "***".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". Look up “Indecisive”

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.
 

oldtimer

Regular EF Member
Messages
4,313
Location
Edinburgh
We will also introduce a NHS system as we believe that you most important asset is your people plus it will save us having to treat them when they come over here lol
 

telectrix

Disrespected Scouser
Electrician's Arms
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63,525
Location
cheshire/staffordshire
and once assimilated by the collective ( british (with a T) empire ) there will be no excuses accepted for turning up 2 years late for rumbles as in the past.
 

ruston

Respected Member
Mentor
Electrician's Arms
Trainee Access
Messages
5,539
Location
Northumberland
With the success of the Team GB in the Olympics and a upsurge of Nationalism in the UK, it’s been decided that giving America it’s independence was a mistake and so the following

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

You’re new Prime Minister (The RT. Hon. David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should re-learn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like Nancy's). We are hoping to get together at least US rugby sevens side by 2015.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "***".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". Look up “Indecisive”

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.
Don't tell me you are going to take their land off them and put them on a reservation , that would'nt be nice.
 

telectrix

Disrespected Scouser
Electrician's Arms
Trainee Access
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63,525
Location
cheshire/staffordshire
yeah, just resettle them all in some inhospitable, nothing will grow, desert. deja vu???
 

Paul.M

Regular EF Member
Messages
10,543
Location
Lost in Space
History lessons in schools and colleges will change to World history. First step is to take your American history books and burn them. First lesson learnt, WW2 1939. Well you missed the first 2 seasons of that drama.

You may have been the first on the moon but it was a British man that invented the engine to get you there.

It was not Edison that invented the lamp (lightbulb btw), it was Mr. J. Swan of Great Britain.

Isn't it amazing that a very small group of islands just north of Europe has taught the world how to talk. English is the 2nd most spoken language after Chinese (due to population) and this includes yourself.


If you've ever been to America you will know what I'm taking about. Most don't understand the world beyond their own boarders and some people don't even leave their own state.


Btw, sort out your gun laws so kids and innocent people stop getting killed.
 

Archy Styrigg

Mentor
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Trainee Access
Messages
10,143
Location
Manchester
If you've ever been to America you will know what I'm taking about. Most don't understand the world beyond their own boarders and some people don't even leave their own state.
Haha...that's true, more than 60% of Yanks don't have a passport.
What was that classic George doubleyu quote, where he didn't know the capital of some country?
 

Paul.M

Regular EF Member
Messages
10,543
Location
Lost in Space
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.- George Carlin
 

harrythespider

New EF Member
Messages
3
Utah is OK with me. Zion,Arches, Bryce Canyon, Canyonlands, Bonneville salt flats. Funny how they all seem to be spectacular and coincidentally sparsely populated!!!!!!
 

ian.settle1

Mentor
Electrician's Arms
Trainee Access
Messages
4,722
Location
Wirral
With the success of the Team GB in the Olympics and a upsurge of Nationalism in the UK, it’s been decided that giving America it’s independence was a mistake and so the following

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

You’re new Prime Minister (The RT. Hon. David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should re-learn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like Nancy's). We are hoping to get together at least US rugby sevens side by 2015.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "***".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". Look up “Indecisive”

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

11. Stop refering to the silly game of Baseball as "The World Series" as you and the Japanese are the only countries that play this form of rounders.
 

Richard Burns

Respected Member
Mentor
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9,926
Location
Cambridgeshire
America
The only country in the history of the world that has gone from barbarism to decadence without the usual intervening period of civilisation.
 

Dcf

Regular EF Member
Messages
747
You know when your country is in the cack when your local Walmart (asda to us) has a gun counter like we have a deli.it was pretty eye opening I can tell you.and we have rules against using Stanley knifes on site.......they can have david Cameron though
 
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