Uheat Joke Friday - Happy Friday Everyone

Happy New Year everybody. Our Joke Friday for 2022 thread starts here! Leave your jokes and replies below, we will be replying to this every Friday with new jokes!

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[Uheat - Jacob]

Congratulations to our daughter in getting promoted to manager at our local library… We are very proud of you Paige Turner!

Despite my A-Level grades of A, B, B,A, I could never get an employer to take a chance on me!

I would like to congratulate our niece on passing her mouth organ A-Level music exam… Well done our Monica!

A bloke broke into my house last night and was looking for money… So I got up and looked with him!

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[littlespark]

No jokes this week?

Here’s one…

If you boil your funny bone…. Does it become a laughing stock?

That was humorous.

 

[Simon47]

No jokes this week?

Well if I tried posting my jokes, I think most of them would get me banned

A young Inuit up in the frozen north found it rather cold when he was sent fishing - sitting for hours surrounded by freezing water. So he had the bright idea of a small fire to keep warm.
Obviously it didn't take long to burn through the bottom of his boat - which then sank and he drowned.

Which proves the old saying that you can't have your kayak and heat it

OK, I'll get my coat.

 

[LukeD]

whats the difference between animals and humans...?



Animals tend to follow the strongest and cleverest leaders .

 

[DPG]

whats the difference between animals and humans...?



Animals tend to follow the strongest and cleverest leaders .

Lemmings?

 

[Simon47]

Lemmings jumping off the cliff was something created for a film - literally by chasing them. AIUI they don't actually do it otherwise - and the meme is yet another false one.

 

[DPG]

Lemmings jumping off the cliff was something created for a film - literally by chasing them. AIUI they don't actually do it otherwise - and the meme is yet another false one.

I always learn stuff on here!

 

[littlespark]

A slow day in Toy Town as the roadwork crew have been plagued by a spate of tool thefts.
Happens frequently, every week.

The foreman reports that on Mondays, the Action Men have their shovels stolen…. On Tuesdays… the Barbie dolls have their sweeping brooms pinched…..

“Oh no…. It’s Wednesday”

“What’s wrong with Wednesdays?”

“ Todays the day the Teddy Bears have their picks nicked! “

 

[telectrix]

what does a pig use to treat a runny nose?

Oinkment.

 

[littlespark]

what does a pig use to treat a runny nose?

Oinkment.

A ham-kerchief.



And some de(ba)congestant.



Was it real, or just a pig-mention of you imagination?



Enough. I’m getting boar-ed now.