I really have heard it all now

[GMES]

I was chatting to a mate today who is also an electrician who as a customer who basicallyuses different contractors, basically who ever he can get to site the quickest to get his tyre shredder working when it breaks down.
Now apparently there is a local electrical contractor out his way who has been trying to pinch my mate's work, so anyway machine breaks down and they call him in to take a look, after sticking his head in the panel for 10 minutes he emerges to tell the customer that the problem is....get ready for it, The earth cable is to big and needs reducing by half.

Now i have been in the trade for a fair few years and this is by far the best diagnosis i have ever heard, can anyone beat that one.:tounge_smile:

 

[dazza1981]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...... thats tickled me Glenn

 

[trev]

Got called to a N E fault once and the customer told me the guy who'd been there before me said the solution to the problem was to disconnect the earth as the circuit (CH boiler) didn't need one.

 

[GMES]

Dazza it tickled me as well mate, how the hell ddid these people ever pass an exam, they shouldn't be allowed to vote let alone play with electricity.

 

[dazza1981]

Dazza it tickled me as well mate, how the hell ddid these people ever pass an exam, they shouldn't be allowed to vote let alone play with electricity.

The mind boggles..... it is comical but at he same time it really gets my back up aswell.

 

[GMES]

Got called to a N E fault once and the customer told me the guy who'd been there before me said the solution to the problem was to disconnect the earth as the circuit (CH boiler) didn't need one.

Trev if these clowns weren't so funny i would cry.

 

[trev]

Luckily for the customer she realised the clown didn't have a clue so chased him.

 

[jackhammerJIM]

Thats a cracker !

went to look at a fault on a lighting circuit in my brothers bosses house . circuit in question had

tripped circuit breaker as energised landing light .

previous sparks told him there was a fault on 3 core and wall would have to be chopped out cable replaced .

got tester out and all clear . lamp had gone !

 

[GMES]

The mind boggles..... it is comical but at he same time it really gets my back up aswell.

I know what you mean because to be fair the customer is clueless, now there is nothing he doesn't know about tyre's because that's his trade, but knows nothing about our trade, luckily though he knew enough to ring my mate and question this clown. :24:

 

[Pete999]

Now you will definitely find this hard to believe, you're aware I'm seriously old, left school in 1961 one of the first jobs I worked on was with a sparks wiring some old people's flats, that had never had electricity, we had to put a light and socket in the rooms, now this particular old dear called us back after about a day to say her lights weren't working,we had a look, lamps all black and burnt, she had only tried to light them with a match, bless

 

[GMES]

Nearly as daft as one of my exe's who seriously thought there was a man in a room somewhere in the country who turned the cats eyes on for the roads at night. And that is gospel.

 

[trev]

A mate of mine was living with a model who was incredibly pretty but also incredibly thick. He went away to work and rang me wanting his speakers (back in the days of hi-fi) in the corners of the living room.
Off I went, connected them up and made a comment that I was glad I got the polarity right. She asked what would happen if it was wrong so I told her the music would come out of the speakers backwards.
She took it in and told my mate about it in a crowded pub when he got home. He nearly choked on his beer

 

[Pete999]

Got asked by an Apprentice I had working with me, why was I so particular about keeping a piece of twin and earth so straight and flat, told him it was to make sure the electricity came out the right way, he believed me for a bit until I put him right.:devil2:

 

[GMES]

A mate of mine was living with a model who was incredibly pretty but also incredibly thick. He went away to work and rang me wanting his speakers (back in the days of hi-fi) in the corners of the living room.
Off I went, connected them up and made a comment that I was glad I got the polarity right. She asked what would happen if it was wrong so I told her the music would come out of the speakers backwards.
She took it in and told my mate about it in a crowded pub when he got home. He nearly choked on his beer

Ha Ha I like that one Trev, the best one i remember was my sister who was and still is a massive animal lover, she even used to volounteer for Toad patrol, the one where they stop the traffic to allow a load of toads to cross the road safely. well i somehow managed to convince her that i used to bury Moles alive! , she didn't speak to me for day's until my dad explained it to her, I still don't know how she ever became a Nurse.

 

[Geoffsd]

Why don't you turn your back lights on when you slow down? :rofl:

 

[7029 dave]

Now you will definitely find this hard to believe, you're aware I'm seriously old, left school in 1961 one of the first jobs I worked on was with a sparks wiring some old people's flats, that had never had electricity, we had to put a light and socket in the rooms, now this particular old dear called us back after about a day to say her lights weren't working,we had a look, lamps all black and burnt, she had only tried to light them with a match, bless

Only the few had electricity in the early 1900's . lol

 

[Geordie Spark]

A mate of mine was living with a model who was incredibly pretty but also incredibly thick. He went away to work and rang me wanting his speakers (back in the days of hi-fi) in the corners of the living room.
Off I went, connected them up and made a comment that I was glad I got the polarity right. She asked what would happen if it was wrong so I told her the music would come out of the speakers backwards.
She took it in and told my mate about it in a crowded pub when he got home. He nearly choked on his beer

There was a club in Wallsend - not sure of the name now, but maybe The Rising Sun - that I played.

The house PA was a pair of column speakers screwed to the wall - one either side of the stage and one was wired out of phase to the other. This rig was only used for playing background music and the star of the show - the Bingo Caller

I twigged the phasing issue when I walked from one side of the room to the other and had a momentary stagger as I passed the midway point where the sound from the in phase speaker crosses with the sound from the out of phase speaker and creates a "dead spot" that confuses the inner ear. I then amused myself for the rest of the night watching the number of folks doing that same stagger while crossing the room and wondering what they had tripped over.

 

[GLENNSPARK]

Dazza it tickled me as well mate, how the hell ddid these people ever pass an exam, they shouldn't be allowed to vote let alone play with electricity.

they didn`t...

 

[efficiencyman]

In 1961 I arrived on site to 1st fix the wiring, to a smell of burning, found a plumber on site using his blow lamp to heat a poker red hot, he was using it to burn holes through joists for his pipes. I said would he like to use my Augers. He said no thanks never use them, they are hard work.
Well it was before the days of drills with speed bits

 

[Dizzy_Maskell]

My mates told me a cracker out with his mrs and they went past a wind farm, as they where not moving at the time she said must be turned off today

 

[Guest111]

Ex wife was proper daft,my mate had an old english sheepdog(dulux paint advert) it comes bounding down the street "oh look its one of those durex dogs" said the ex! another time she was out with my brother and they spotted a souped up 3 wheeler,furry dice and tassles around the window,you've seen em furry seat covers etc.Anyway she gets home and tells me how our kid's a lovely bloke and he's been showing her the latest robin reliant GTE TURBO!.

 

[trev]

A thick apprentice this time.
On a barn conversion job once and was talking to one of the labourers, there was a load of stone lying around that the brickies had been using for piecing up. One of these bits had a stihl saw cut in it, when the apprentice came back from getting the sarnies I picked this up and told the labourer that he'd have to tell the gaffer that the site had stone worm. Of course, thick apprentice asked what it was so I made up some crap about worms that eat stone and can cause structural problems.
This went round the site like wildfire with everyone getting into it and telling the apprentice how dangerous it was but you could see that he wasn't completely buying it.
Until we went to another site to supervise some ducting getting laid, during our break one of the brickies mentioned that he had to get a skip on site just for scrapping some lintels because of stone worm infestation.
One made up story sold hook line and sinker to an imbecile

 

[jimmymac]

I got asked to have a look at a faulty shower isolator, usual story, neutral had overheated. It was a 12kW shower on 6mm cable so when I asked the home owner who had installed it he said the name of a local 'handyman'. Apparently the switch burnt out after just a few days and when they rang the 'handyman', he called back, had a look and said 'the water pressure was too high and it was overworking the switch', he suggested 'running the downstairs tap whilst using the shower to reduce the pressure'.........the customer was baffled with the scientific explanation, as was I!

 

[Robotstar5]

If you can't dazzle them with science, baffle them with bulls**t.

 

[Andy78]

Our lass came out with a good one the other weekend. We had parked up in a local town and I had got a pay and display ticket for the car. I didn't have my watch with me so I asked the missus "can you remind us when we have to be back at the car, I've only put an hour on it, we have to be back for half past" She stopped dead as she looked at her watch and shot me an accusing you-got-the-wrong-ticket type of stare. "But Andy, it's half past now !"
I just looked at her until it dawned and her face began to flush crimson with an embarrassed smirk.

 

[Jaxo]

My friend told me this one... He used to work in a small factory and there was a guy who worked there helping out doing little things.. like making tea, cleaning up etc.. one lunchtime the bossasked him "Are you going to the shop for lunch,.. ? Could you get me a stamp and post this letter"? ... A few hours passed and the boss bumped into him again and said "did you get my letter posted"... "Yes" he replied,.. while reaching into his back pocket and "here`s your stamp"
:lol:

 

[moospark]

My sister scored a nice kitchen, impatient as she is, got my Dad to fit it before I chucked new ring in. No problem Sis', them new blue tooth sockets will sort it. Hook, line, and submarine.

 

[Paul.M]

I said this a few times to work mates and friends, it works....

"Do you know thy have taken the word "gullible" out of the English & Oxford dictionary! Have a look when you get home".


It works on so many different levels :rofl:

 

[trev]

I was in a fairly senior role a while back which involved driving a desk part time. I walked through reception one day and there were a few clients in there, the receptionist always answered internal calls on loudspeaker so I gave her a bell.
"Rachel, can you settle an argument for me and a few of the lads please"
"If I can Trev"
"Excellent, cheers. What did they call the ship in Mutiny On The Bounty"
A few seconds pause
"How the hell do you expect me to know"
You could hear muffled sniggers in the background.

A few days later we had some technical guys in from BOC so I asked her to make an announcement over the tannoy that there was a call for a Mr Jarse, first name Hugh.
Nice lass but dozy

 

[Plonker 3]

I said this a few times to work mates and friends, it works....

"Do you know thy have taken the word "gullible" out of the English & Oxford dictionary! Have a look when you get home".


It works on so many different levels :rofl:

On a similar theme told a painter that if you say"gullible" slowly it sounds like oranges, he didn't hear the end of it for days.