Not a funny story but more of weird place to be, we got the job of fitting new electric UFH to padded cells in Ashworth Hospital (think broadmore) we had to make a tool list, count them in, count them out and heaven forbid if you forgot anything from the van it was a half hour trip to get in and out due to security, we had to be escorted everywhere and it a really strange place to be, patients walking in circles in the hallways etc. One lad lost a screwdriver and couldn't leave until it had been found, he found it in the end, he dropped it inside a wall.
Was the same system in a place I worked. This place housed patients of all scopes, from people who just talked to themselves at bus stops to disturbed killers.
There was an "airlock" on entry where all procedures had to be followed before the second door would open, two of which were the counting in and out of tools and a daily body and clothing frisk on entry. This was all a pain in the proverbial but I could understand the reasons.
One day we were in the airlock and a guy knocked on the outside door. The staff buzzed the door open and let him through both airlock doors into the facility.. no search.. no book to sign..no questions.
As he waltzed through he cheerily exclaimed "There's me change", dumped some money on the counter and waved a twix bar at the staff.
"Who was that then that he doesn't have to be searched ?" we asked.
"Oh that's one of the patients"
"What ?"
"Yeah we give him money for the bus and he pops into town and does a bit of shopping"
"But how do you know he just brought a twix bar in ?"
A blank, non comprehending stare accompanied the answer "Because that's all the receipt says and the change is correct"
"So he couldn't have picked up a piece of glass or metal from the waste ground outside then ?"
"Oh no don't be silly, he's one of the good 'uns"
Unreal. We still had to be searched on every entry to the facility, even if just popping to the van, or after lunch break, or even standing out for a cig in full view of the reception staff.