Discuss These are genuine clips from UK Council flat in the Electricians Chat - Off Topic Chat area at ElectriciansForums.net

steve50

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These are genuine clips from UK Council flat (Public Housing) tenants complaining to the Council about problems with their flats:

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back
passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I
just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every
morning at 6 a.m. his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would
you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

6. . . . . . .and their 18 year old son is continually banging
his balls against my fence.

7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
satisfy my wife.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children
until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it's a
funny colour & not fit to drink.

16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired
and burnt my knob off.

17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside
toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew
them off.


 
My favourite one was from an insurance claim "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have"
There's a few equally as stupid
 
hate to pi$$ on you fire steve, but this was posted months ago.

@ trev. a good one i heard ( insurance company ). the man said the accident was his fault as he had been run over before.
 
My favourite one was from an insurance claim "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have"
There's a few equally as stupid


Remember one from Jasper Carrot about a insurance claim "I had the accident when I was waving to the man driving in the opposite direction who I had an accident with the previous week"
 
Sussex police pulled a guy for speeding, when asked why he was doing 60 in a 30 area his said he hadn't looked at his speedo because he was busy talking to someone on his mobile.
Surprisingly he got a fine and points
 
notice on the front door of a charity called deaf assist... " please knock hard"
 
School excuses
My son is under a doctor's care and cannot do PE today. Please execute him.
Please excuse lisa for being absent, she was sick and I had her shot
Please excuse Jimmy for being, it was his father's fault
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday, she was in bed with gramps
 
I did have a little old lady came into my shop and asked me if I could put a light up her back passage, and when we all fell about laughing, she said, I don't know what you're all laughing at, (pointing to me) he's been up my back passage loads of times, so he knows how dark it is!! When we recovered we informed her that a bulkhead fitting in the alley would be no problem.
 
some of those were classic from jasper carrott still makes me laugh years later,there was the other one "he was all over the road I had to swerve several times before I hit him" another " I thought the side window was down but it was up,as I found out when I put my head through it".If you go on youtube there are loads of jasper carrott stuff.
 
Best one I ever heard was a guy that had been having a drink got a call to go pick up his son from the railway station late one night so he set off with his friend with him and got to a big round about and after missing his turn off after his second time around he decided to reverse as he had never seen another car all night. He had just reversed a few feet when BANG another car hit him from behind suddenly a police car also arrived and spoke to the car behind first then came to his window and knocked. He rolled down his window and the copper said there ain't any damage to your car so you may as well go this idiot behind you must be ****ed he is claiming you reversed in to him. So the guy thanked the copper rolled up his window and drove off.
 

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